Dr. Eric Williams, a counselor and marriage and family therapist, published a list of 14 affectionate phrases on October 15, 2026, that couples in stable relationships use in private, according to YourTango. The framework treats verbal affection as a maintenance routine: a set of low-cost, high-frequency operations that keep an emotional bond from degrading.
The core claim is simple. Silence between partners is not neutral. Unspoken affection defaults to an ambiguous signal, and the receiving partner often parses the ambiguity negatively. Regular, explicit statements reduce that parsing error.
Why verbal affection functions like a keep-alive signal
Williams argues that a marriage license does not propagate the state of being loved. Partners do not infer commitment from a single event, even a legally binding one. The state must be re-declared at intervals.
Actions carry weight, Williams notes, but they do not replace declarations. A partner who acts lovingly and never says so leaves the channel half open. Words confirm intent; actions confirm execution. A functioning relationship needs both.
Positive thinking leads to positive feelings, and positive feelings lead to positive speech.
That chain, from internal state to external output, is the whole mechanism. Williams says each partner holds responsibility for the relationship's overall mood, the same way each node in a distributed system holds responsibility for network health.
The 14 phrases, parsed by function
According to YourTango, the phrases cluster into four operational categories: commitment declarations, support offers, vulnerability disclosures, and acknowledgments.
Commitment declarations
'I love you' tops the list, and Williams is blunt about why. Spouses should not have to assume. The phrase, said often and sincerely, reminds both partners of their commitment to the relationship. 'I'm thinking of you' and 'I miss you' serve as lightweight versions, sent mid-day or during absence, confirming that the bond persists even when the partners are offline from each other.
Support offers
'I support you' positions the speaker as the partner's advocate and, in Williams' words, their rock. 'How can I help?' goes further: it states that the speaker will make sacrifices to be present. 'Your struggles are our struggles' extends the offer across the full load range, from small inconveniences to major hardship. Williams says welcoming a partner's struggles reduces stress in the marriage, because the partner stops carrying the load solo.
Vulnerability disclosures
'I need you' requires the speaker to set ego aside and admit dependence. Williams frames mutual need as symmetrical: just as one partner needs support for their goals, the other does too. Disclosing need, he says, builds a more intimate emotional bond than performing invulnerability ever will.
'I'm sorry' and its specific variant, 'I apologize for X,' close the loop on conflict. Williams advises precision here. Name what you did. A vague apology does not acknowledge the harm; a specific one does, and it is the most reliable path to forgiveness.
Acknowledgments
The remaining phrases validate the partner's inputs. 'Your feelings are important to me' tells the partner they can share emotions without judgment, including negative ones. 'I value your opinion' confirms their seat on the team; Williams adds that even household leaders should seek counsel. 'Teach me how to love you and how you need to be loved' converts the speaker into a student of the partner, making the partner's preferred mode of affection the curriculum. 'You make me want to be a better person,' 'You're a wonderful parent,' and 'You have enhanced my life' acknowledge the partner's positive impact, with Williams advising specificity about exactly how the partner improved the speaker's life.
What happens when the channel stays silent
Williams opens the piece with the failure mode. People speak too little in intimate relationships. The deficit chips away at communication, partners interpret the gap negatively, and their feelings degrade accordingly. Under-communication is not a passive state; it is an active source of relational entropy.
The Washington Post ran a parallel piece on October 14, 2026, in which a couples therapist with 30 years of marriage described three words she never says to her partner, arguing that certain phrasings corrupt the channel more than silence does.